The foundation of a healthy relationship is founded on trust, respect and security. Every individual must feel they are unconditionally loved, valued and can express themselves without being judged by their close friends, spouse or family members. We as humans at times become self-centered & unintentional emotional manipulators.
We may be aggressive in addressing our anger and frustration to the extent of uttering harsh words just to protect ourselves. Because we have emotional maturity, we apologize after cooling off. I have experienced this, and the feeling is not the best. I have learned this behavior does not build trust and intimacy but destroys it.
From time to time, this may not be the case.
At one time you may encounter people who are emotional manipulators.
Such people are controlling and want to get their way.
Or they keep you from uttering anything that they may not like.
What are the signs of an emotional manipulation?
If you ever find yourself in such a situation here are 5 signs of an emotional manipulation and how to fight it.
1. Turn your words to their advantage. A manipulator finds it hard to accept responsibility for their behavior.
If you confront them, they will find a way to turn the blame on you. This makes you feel guilty.
Your Response: Never allow a manipulator to get away with his or her defensive mechanism.
If you let them go, it will encourage them to do it again. Take hold of the situation and address the issue. The solution should have a change in behavior.
2. They deny what they said. A manipulator may agree and say yes to an agreement and then when time comes to respond to the conversation, they confidently forget anything they agreed to.
This situation makes you look forgetful or ridiculous. You even start to question yourself and feel guilty.
Your Response: Always document an agreement made.
Documenting will act as proof. It may pose a question of trust to the manipulator, but it will make it hard for him or her to deny any agreement made with you.
3. They use guilt to control you. “ it’s always about what you need. If only you knew what I went through in the past, you’d never let me do that”.
A manipulator knows how to play the perfectionist type. When they see a kind hearted sensitive person, they bring in a guilt and sympathy situation and make you feel guilty.
Your Response: Don’t give in to their request of compassion. Remind the manipulator that he or she can adapt and cope up with your action since they are adults.
4. They don’t care about your Problems. Emotional manipulators care less about your problems. Instead, your problem becomes a platform to air out their own.
“You think your problems? Do you ever think of how I have to face my problems every day? It has taken me years. Be thankful you have a job and family to support you.”
On your part you just wanted someone to talk to, but the manipulator turned the table on you.
This made you feel self-fish. Which you’re not, but expressing how you feel.
Your Response: Walk away and find someone who can listen to your grievances without subjecting you to scrutiny.
5. Manipulators want attention. A manipulator loves attention and center to be on them. They want everyone to notice their anger or foul mood.
A manipulator can make a sensitive person feel drained.
Your Response: Leave the room. Don’t waste your energy on a manipulator
Emotional manipulators can manipulate people of any age.
If you are involved with an emotional manipulator and the situation is out of hand, speak to a counselor who will help you come out of the circumstance.